The existential crisis – life is miserable and then you die

I have often been plagued by the thoughts of meaning and purpose. It all seems so pointless. How does one find meaning? Perhaps it is meaningless. We cannot make our own meaning if we don’t know what we want. What recourse is there for the lost soul who is not satisfied with the ideas of religions and is equally averse to the gloomy conclusions of the nonbelievers?


Celibacy is hard

It will be 13 days tonight since I have ejaculated. Although I have not had dirty thoughts overwhelm me, I want to just go home and blow one off to release the anxiety. It helps sometimes. But once I have done it… I feel guilty. The pleasure is short-lived. As with most pleasures. I am trying to be what I call “quasi-celibate” (mostly for spiritual reasons). I am trying to refrain from … self-pleasure (let alone sex) for as long as I can. Or until my wife wants to do it. Whichever is first. The longest I have gone after I first started, was 18 days. That was a struggle. I am trying to beat that. But it is starting to get frustrating because I want something to calm me down temporarily, and I know that stroking the salami works. Thoughts?

Sometimes, there is no personal reason for gloom…

Sometimes, we don’t really need a reason from our own life to know how miserable things are. Just looking around, it worries me how people segregate themselves intentionally. Everyone wants to be part of an elite club, to which only a certain ‘type’ can be included. Whether it means political affiliation, religious affiliation (or lack thereof), or just some silly demographic, everyone wants to stay divided. How sad!